6/Is it Normal for Couples to go to Couples Therapy?
“Divorce rates show adults aren’t great at forming and keeping mutually satisfying relationships. Science can help change that.”
From the American Psychological Association
It likely comes as no surprise that many of my individual clients discuss stress related to family and other interpersonal relationships in their therapy sessions. I have found this is especially true for those who are married or in long-term partnerships. People want to discuss arguments, hurt feelings and most importantly, find solutions to improve their relationships and boost their happiness. While processing relationship struggles can certainly be validating and therapeutic, it may also be challenging work without respective partners present. As a therapist, one of my most important tasks is to understand my clients, their struggles, and their worldview—this takes time, patience, and trust. Sometimes, my advice for my individual clients is to talk to their partner about trying out couples therapy so they can work on their issues together.
In my experience, I have found that many couples avoid couples therapy due to stigma—they feel their problems don’t warrant therapy or perhaps, they worry about what attending therapy would mean about their relationship. Most often, I find the biggest barrier to seeking treatment is one partner’s unwillingness to participate.
So, let’s go back to my original question: Is it Normal for Couples to go to Couples Therapy? My answer—absolutely, yes.
While there may be various serious and complicated issues for a couple to seek treatment such as infidelity, trauma, grief, and loss, or another a major life event; couples therapy can also be great for building a stronger connection, understanding your partner, and improving communication. Whenever I encourage people to attend couples therapy, I destigmatize it by explaining that couples therapy can simply be healthy relationship maintenance. Just like other things that require our attention to function well—from our home appliances to our cars—our relationships need maintenance too. It is normal for relationships to change overtime; it would be odd if they didn’t. Relationships, just like most things that are meaningful in life, need our attention and our time to stay strong and work well.
This article written for therapists by Tori DeAngelis for the American Psychological Association demonstrates ways that specially trained psychologists can use scientifically supported practices to improve relationships. Discussing common types of challenging concerns in couples therapy and ways mental health professionals can help, the article emphasizes the importance of working with a therapist that utilizes an evidence-based treatment approach, such as behavioral couples therapy, cognitive behavioral couples therapy, or emotionally focused therapy.
Moreover, the most critical skill for a therapist working with couples is to take the time to understand the couple as a unit, understanding their strengths and struggles. It is then my job as the therapist to adapt the scientific-supported approach to meet the unique needs of my clients to achieve the best outcome for them both as individuals and as a couple.
